I was in english lit for a few years in college and in retrospect it was basically pointless. I'm divided on how much is that I was emotionally stunted for most of my life vs how much is purely a factor of age but the more books I revisit now the better I see I understood almost none of it. works with themes of youthful rebellion or angst deeply impressed me but anything about age, failure, loss, duty, family, disappointment, transience was totally incomprehensible. like I could write a banger paper about what it was trying to say but the actual significance just passed right through me. tragedy was especially bad and I could read something about a fundamental conflict between two inexorable forces and think “these people are acting like morons” or a hero destroyed by excess and overreach and think “hell yea bro fuck it!” or as my grandmother loved to say “die young and leave a good looking corpse!“ (my grandmother lived into her 80s). if we as a society have decided that childhood (preparation for and insulation from the rigors or the adult world) extends to 22 or 24 or whatever now then maybe college actually should just be a jobs training program and stick a two year culture sabbatical in the 30s or something. idc if I'm telling on myself here because it is really striking how much more I get from literature now than I did then, I read obsessively and grasped little. I learned more from hanging out with old guys at the greyhound track as a teenager than I ever did from homer shakespeare miller fitzgerald tolstoy hemmingway faulkner or steinbeck back then. celine dazai bukowski thompson bronte burroughs probably all actively made me stupider. funny moment a few years back telling a then-gf “you gotta read junky I was obsessed when I was in new york it's about how to really Live” and reread it first and was like “nevermind probably don't read this… it's actually kinda dark I dunno how I didn't notice that before.” there but for the grace of god go I. when I was 20 I just wanted to be tortured and sexy and self-destructive and could not comprehend these writers were older and looking back and wallowing in the consequences of their mistakes and the only reason I got a reprieve is the market decided to make computer programming a valuable skill and I just happened to be decent enough at it and find it enjoyable. I used to have contempt for my father's weak and addictive personality but apologized and asked forgiveness for my younger self recently because I came to realize I am the same way and it is simply a quirk of fate that I found video games, books, and writing computer code to get addicted to instead of alcohol. anyway