It wasn’t a special day and yet it was.
I got the call yesterday. (3/4/25)
My grandmother has entered hospice.
She’s barely awake now, her body and soul deciding how and when to let go. And yet, all I can think about is one day.
The last time I visited, the dementia was already there—most days, it stole her recognition, blurred the lines between past and present. But that day?
That day, she knew me.
Her eyes lit up the second I walked into the room. “Beckett,” she said, reaching out for me. A real hug. A real moment. A glimpse of the woman I’ve always known.
I didn’t know then that it would be the last time she’d say my name.
I didn’t know it would be a goodbye disguised as a regular day.
We spent the whole afternoon together.
We laughed, we talked, we walked down to the cafeteria like we had before.
We shared a slice of Buffalo pizza, split a Loganberry, and even had ice cream for dessert. For one whole day, time folded in on itself, and I got my grandma back.
As we made our way back to her room, I gently put my arm around her waist—the same way she had done for me a thousand times when I was younger.
It wasn’t just a visit. It was a day.
A full, beautiful, ordinary day.
Now, she’s slipping away.
And my heart? It doesn’t know what to do with this.
Grief is never just sadness. It’s a mix of things you can’t untangle.
It’s love with nowhere to go.
It’s memories pressing against the moment, trying to keep someone here.
It’s the quiet realization that the world is about to feel a little less like home.
I want more time. Of course, I do. But I also know this: I was lucky to have her at all.
She’s part of me. Not just in the past, but in every moment moving forward.
And somehow, that softens the ache.
Here’s the thing:
Love doesn’t vanish when someone leaves. It just changes form.
It weaves itself into the quiet moments—the way you still hear their voice in your head, the way their favorite song suddenly plays when you need it most.
It lingers in the ordinary days that turned out to be the most sacred.
And maybe, just maybe, the ones we love never really leave.
They just become part of the air we breathe. ❤️
In service of the journey, always—Unworthy Illuminator – Beckett