I'm receptive to much of what you say here. I have a tremendous amount of respect for women who realize that commanding one's own sex life is something that women had to wrest away from a patriarchal cultural order which regarded women as delicate flowers in need of being "kept" in order to protect them from male predation. Indeed, part of the problem may be that there are still a non-trivial number of women of the "delicate flower" variety, and while this brave new world was once on an opt-in basis for the strong willed and adventurous woman, it is now overwhelmingly the norm, whether it suits you or not.

That being said, at least from a purely analytical standpoint, it's reasonable to consider the effect the internet and social media have had in this area. And some sympathy for the unique challenges it poses is probably in order.

This is perhaps harder to appreciate for older people like you or me (I graduated high school in '91, so I had a completely internet-free childhood). We now have a generation of newly minted adults who have never known a social life *without* the internet, so the boundary between "real life" and "online life" may not be as well defined as it is for us.

Social media poses a problem of scale - it's easy to reiterate the old sticks and stones canard when one's circle of human interaction is relatively limited, and mostly to people you physically encounter. The internet exposes one to innumerable interactions with people subject to the "automobile effect" - the tendency to engage in more hostile behavior given relative anonymity and physical separation. And while each individual interaction may be relatively easy to slough off, the cumulative effect can wear on someone, especially when it ventures into the realm of threatening language and possible stalking. (There is also the disturbing phenomenon of revenge porn to contend with.)

And then there is the all-encompassing problem that social media is a petri dish for that all-too-human tendency: victim culture. Whenever people gather online to share their grievances, biased perceptions are reinforced and the benign becomes malignant. This is responsible for everything from incel culture to #metoo overreach, from the paranoid delusions of Trump cultists to the belief that we are living in a racist dystopia. And we still don't have an answer for it, other than to curse the sky for the failings of human nature.