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Är den liberala regimen dödsdömd?

Trump is abandoning Ukraine and threatening global peace, say his critics. He's not. He's negotiating an end to the war, & reducing the US role in Europe, which voters want. Elites are enraged because Trump's new, post-globalist order takes from them the power they badly abused. Me and

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Why Won't Global Elites Just Give Peace A Chance?

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Former Chief of MI6, Sir Alex Younger speaking on BBC Newsnight about Russia's invasion of Ukraine, the new geopolitical order, and what President Trump should consider.

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America is no longer a status quo power. It is a revisionist power, just as intent on changing the structure of international relations as are Russia and China.

Trump’s Foreign Policy Revolution
‘Am I a Snob Or Is He a Simpleton?’

Last night, I woke up every few hours agonizing about how I should end the relationship, so imagine my surprise to see that my letter to Polly was answered and in my inbox this morning. A letter that I hastily wrote and sent and immediately felt like I did a poor job explaining and gave even poorer examples? I considered sending an amendment, but decided against it, thinking that the broad questions have been answered over and over, and I should invest instead in figuring out my own feelings, instead of asking a very familiar stranger. A very familiar stranger who, shortly after I sent the email, posted "I'm Overthinking My Overthinking Again." And I found clarity in it, specifically (I can't figure out how to link it, so I'll paste):

"Overthinking everything is often a side effect of not knowing how you feel — or not standing up for your feelings once you discover what they are. Maybe your parents treated your emotions as wildly inconvenient or taxing or irrational, so you wound up trying to talk yourself out of every desire you had. And after decades of talking yourself out of your emotions, it becomes extremely difficult to interpret the meaning of any sensation...Your body pays the price. Instead of enjoying your felt experience, you live inside your head, which is always making random noise like a rattle full of beads."

I need to get over my shock at the timing and also still digest Polly's response to my ACTUAL letter. But thank you--for responding. I do come off like a snobby arrogant hypocrite who is blind to her own flaws. I can only say that it takes a lot for me to get out of my head and feel things, and I don't know that I am able to feel in this relationship--both because of my own reservations but also because the his emotional depth and vulnerability doesn't present in a way I can understand, where I can FEEL instead of think think think all the time....

I am processing and appreciating the comments. Thank you.

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7 Replies
Sep 23
at
2:57 PM

This is the only Ask Polly response that I've not fully engaged with. I disagree with her reading of your letter. She has some interesting insights and possibilities. AND I think you know what being in a relationship with straight white men is like. You aren't a novice. I think if it were a match then you'd be able to navigate the inherent issues. If it were a match, his reading true crime novels would be tolerable if not mildly endearing or something to tease him about. When it's not a match a…

I am grateful for your perspective here, and I appreciate the "grace" you've given in that you recognize I'm not a novice or unfamiliar with straight white guys. It is becoming clear that I may have been focusing on these "flaws" not because they were THE PROBLEM, but because I was trying to explain my lack of engagement in the relationship, to justify the way I have been feeling. Thank you.

If you're agonizing about trying to get out of this relationship, I think that says everything. This guy might not be The Worst™️ but he doesn't seem to be for you. Also a man at his big big age still leaving pee all over the toilet seat is a huge turn off. He might be better for a while (if you pester him enough). But in my experience, people who aren't considerate of others are unlikely to change long term. Do you still want to be wiping up his pee in 5 years? 10 years?

I said this in another comment, but I really didn't think the pee would be such a hot topic! HAHA.

Maria, trust yourself. PLEASE. As wise as HH is, she's not psychic and CANNOT know if he really is one of your soulmates and she will not have to live with the consequences if he isn't and you stay in a relationship that erodes away at your soul and dignity.

I don't know him or you so I cannot be an authority either, but based on what you describe in your letter and in the comments, his behaviours smack of gaslighting and a snobbish disregard of other people's integrity.

Only you have the context…

Thank you. I really appreciate your thoughtful response. I think it's a great suggestion to express anger fully. I have been trying to be enlightened and open, and to not throw away someone who is not bad for what I was concerned were "squirmy" reasons. Thank you.

I usually mainly agree with the responses to the letters, but this one seemed a little off to me. It seemed like Heather was responding to each of the complaints taken individually instead of letting it inform a larger whole. Yes, none of these instances is a dealbreaker on its own. But I don't think that you're wrong in thinking that they could point to something deeper.

I will admit that I'm biased - I ended a relationship with a person who seems a little bit like your partner, also at about t…

Oh my goodness. How can I begin here. First: thank you. I was definitely pulling the pieces together as a whole and concerned with what seemed to me to be incongruities between who he was TELLING me he was and how he ACTUALLY IS when he's not paying super close attention. I didn't mention this in the letter, but his carelessness and thoughtlessness have become more and more apparent over time as he has relaxed. I also have eerily similar concerns as you did in your previous, now-defunct relatio…

"...incongruities between who he was TELLING me he was and how he ACTUALLY IS when he's not paying super close attention."

Not to be alarmist, but I honestly think that this is one of the biggest red flags for long-term compatibility. You need to be confident in who someone is in order to really care about them and commit to them. Like you, we had never said 'I love you' and there seemed to be some emotional distance between us. It finally clicked when there were finally enough examples of this …

If you're constantly overthinking, I think you SHOULD break up with him. I know a big difficulty with not growing up with a secure attachment style, you're constantly wondering if your feelings are coming from a place of avoidance, or if it's genuinely a problem. But I think there's a difference between the straight man tax, and someone saying off-color shit and then claiming to be a liberal. Him using pussy as an insult, and then apologizing because "I shouldn't be using that around you" and t…

YES--totally. I am always concerned that I'm acting avoidant, or that my interpretation is entirely wrong. I appreciate you calling out what was the most troubling about the "pussy" comment--that he followed it with "I shouldn't use that AROUND YOU." It was actually one of the things that started my wheels spinning, because I thought: Who are you, really? And what parts of you are being presented as a performance FOR ME?

Thank you, very much for taking the time to respond and share your thoughts…

Yeah! Like, maybe this is my social justice warrior Gen Z self talking, but like...there's a difference between being driven by sexism in ways you can't understand, and saying a gendered slur. Getting language to be "politically correct" is one of the most basic things people learn, and while there's plenty, PLENTY of people who are politically correct as well as assholes, it's kind of concerning he says he's a liberal, but he doesn't even understand not to say something like using pussy as an …

It's usually not the big things that make people incompatible, it's the little things adding up into a thousand paper cuts. I think you should consider looking at him as objectively as you can, through his actions rather than his words or how he tries to portray himself. It doesn't matter what he thinks of himself and tells you about himself, pay attention to your own observations of his actions and behaviors. 2 divorces is indeed a red flag. Can someone have so little self-awareness to get div…

For the record, I do NOT agree with Polly’s response to you, and I do NOT think you come off as a snobby, arrogant hypocrite. I do NOT think you are overreacting or overthinking. In fact, I think you’re being quite reasonable with reasonable expectations, and that Polly’s response is actually a bit unreasonable and she’s making excuses for men and asking you to do the work on yourself instead asking them to do the work on themselves. No, straight men do not get a pass in the name of “well, this…