I'm so sorry. I attended an online marriage counseling seminar a few weeks ago (even though I'm widowed, I enjoy learning how to better communicate). Terry Real is counseling that many marital arguments are really just reactions to feeling hurt and misunderstood. He advises against trying to argue who is right and who is wrong. Just describe your reactions without blame and trust your partner will love you enough so you can compromise--or at least reach a compromise. That worked for me with a provider who never showed up at the same time. He would send zoom links just before the meeting announcing a new time or canceling and rescheduling which DROVE ME CRAZY. I didn't mind the schedule changes. But I have an eye problem and moving my head from the emal section to the zoom section back and forth made me quite uncomfortable and dizzy. I asked him if he could please phone me right before he sends the zoom link (which he doesn't send out in advance because he doesn't know the time in advance having a hectic schedule) He honored my request, and now we're both fine.

BUT BUT life and death seem different. My husband was terrified of death and asked me to help him commit suicide so he could control the time of his passing when pain or disability would get too much for him to bear. I kept refusing and he kept scolding me and telling me how heartless I was. I would almost get convinced--and then he would say, look all you have to do is hold my arms down if I start thrashing due to lack of oxygen. It will soon be all over. I told him no that I would feel guilty for the rest of my living days if I had to help kill him. Eventually he ended up in hospice. I devoted myself to caring for him. One night I did lose my temper though. He was shouting, DEATH DEATH DEATH to insist that I call a friend to help him commit suicide. I did not know thisthat my friend told Dick he would help but didn't tell me he had no intention of helping. Each time Dick would insist on suicide, the friend (what a dear friend) would say, I can't make it now--could it wait until the week end? And then there would be some other reason to postpone it.

This time I refused to call the friend and shouted back at my husband, "There will be no death (meaning suicide) for you!! You will die peacefully in your sleep. I will use morphine as the doctors showed me so that your breathing will be controlled and you won't feel any pain." I felt horribly aggressive and uncaring. But my husband stopped insisting. Later I got the social worker and the nurse explain how death would happen. Nurse was GREAT. In a slow deep hypnotic voice he described how Dick would be getting more and more sleepy, more and more restful until he passed away peacefully in his sleep. And that's what happened. Before he passed, my husband thanked me and told me he forgave me. I'm glad. I still love him and miss him.