If you like the vibe of my writing about commitment and “becoming someone” but can’t seem to get started, it might be because what you want is to be a powerful dominant competitive stoic who takes risks and bangs hot chicks but someone told you that you shouldn’t.

If that’s the case, my first recommendation is to read this incredible essay about the dangers of not knowing what you want as a man. Then: is there a version of being a fucking baller that other people would actually be happy about? That they’ll help you with, instead of fighting you? Of course there is: you’re describing every star athlete, charismatic leader, or just successful person who’s happy with their success. You probably know guys like that. Maybe you resent them and think that they’ve gotten unfair advantages.

What if you allowed yourself to say: I want what he has, so I’m going to act like he does? Trying to be like someone you look up to is a great first step towards becoming who you want to be. Mentorship doesn’t have to be consensual, they can’t stop you. And don’t worry, once you get started on the path to becoming someone you’ll figure out your own thing soon enough. And yes, it will probably still involve being powerful and competitive and banging hot chicks — these never really lose their appeal.