Sounds Like Secretary Sh*tfaced Needs To Come On Home And Resign
Shut your beerhole, bud.
We don’t know how to tell you this, but Pete Hegseth isn’t doing a very good job as secretary of Defense. We know! We are shocked and surprised too. We thought all those Saturday mornings rolling into “Fox & Friends Weekend” (reportedly!) still drunk would have prepared him for this, because aren’t all white conservative men qualified to do all jobs?
The other day, Hegseth opened his beerhole in a meeting at NATO HQ in Brussels and shared all his personal beliefs about Ukraine, specifically saying there was no reason to think about going back to Ukraine’s “pre-2014 borders” (AKA Ukraine’s actual borders) and that the United States definitely doesn’t think Ukraine should be in NATO. So don’t you worry about that, Putin, do you like it when Hegseth strokes you fast or slow, Mr. Putin, or is he doing it Goldilocks juuuuuuust right?
Unfortunately those remarks got Hegseth into a wee bit of trouble! Turns out he was kinda talking out of his ass, as they say. What a stupid, stupid boy.
Good thing this doesn’t affect anything important like national security! Oh wait.
Specifically, Hegseth wasn’t really supposed to say the thing about “No Ukraines in NATO.” Of course Trump said it, like five minutes later, back in Washington. But it’s different when Trump licks Putin’s ass! Trump said he just doesn’t know how “a country in Russia’s position” could let Ukraine join NATO. You know, because in Trump’s compromised dementia brain, Ukraine is not a sovereign state and must ask Russia permission to do things. Also, Trump might be consumed with other geographical pursuits like the “Gulf of America” and grabbing Greenland by the pussy and taking it to Bergdorf’s, but there’s no reason “a country in Russia’s position” should be bothered by a nation on its border being in NATO. Poland and Finland and Latvia and Lithuania and Estonia are, after fucking all.
But back to Hegseth, who is a loser and a failure and who is not getting the employee of the month parking spot at Trump’s Cabinet meetings. On Thursday, he was required to notify people that he is a little boy who needs to shut the fuck up, that Donald Trump is the president, and the president sets the policy, or at least implements the policy Putin tells the president to implement:
Hegseth, in his remarks to media on Thursday, said he wanted to make clear that “these negotiations are led by President Trump. Everything is on the table in his conversations with Vladimir Putin and Volodymyr Zelensky. What he decides to allow or not allow is at the purview of the leader of the free world — of President Trump.”
Hegseth added that he is “not going to stand at this podium and declare what President Trump will do or won’t do, what will be in or what will be out, what concessions will be made or what concessions are not made.” He cast his previous assessment ruling out NATO membership for Ukraine as “what’s likely” and a recognition of “hard-power realities on the ground.”
“I just reject on its face the premise that somehow President Trump isn’t dealing with a full set of cards when he’s the one that can determine ultimately what cards he holds,” Hegseth added.
OK sure bud.
Tommy Vietor, who is now one of the Pod Save guys and previously worked for President Barack Obama in the National Security Council, had this to say about Hegseth’s little tapdance:
Meanwhile, Mississippi Republican (obviously) Senator Roger Wicker, who chairs the Armed Services Committee and enthusiastically voted to confirm Hegseth, acted like he couldn’t have seen this coming, and oh boy, he is suddenly not mincing words about Hegseth’s original remarks:
“Hegseth is going to be a great defense secretary, although he wasn’t my choice for the job,” the Mississippi Republican told POLITICO on the sidelines of the Munich Security Conference. “But he made a rookie mistake in Brussels and he’s walked back some of what he said but not that line.”
“I don’t know who wrote the speech — it is the kind of thing Tucker Carlson could have written, and Carlson is a fool,” Wicker said, referring to the pro-Putin broadcaster.
It’s funny to watch these people fight.
Anyway, Wicker is “heartened” that Hegseth walked his original shit back (right before Trump basically said the same thing but whatever). He also offered this nugget of advice that Hegseth needs to know, whether he is the secretary of Defense, or whether he ends up with a job more suited to his skillset, like “Guy Who Carries Things And Shuts The Fuck Up Otherwise.”
“Everybody knows … and people in the administration know you don't say before your first meeting what you will agree to and what you won't agree to,” Wicker said, adding that he was “puzzled” and “disturbed” by Hegseth’s comments.
Everybody knows. Everybody.
But maybe you don’t learn such life lessons when you’re working in the trenches and foxholes of the “Fox & Friends Weekend WAAAAAAAH I SAW A BLACK PERSON AND A GAY PERSON AND A WOMAN!” variety hour.
Wicker, continuing to act like Republican senators are allowed to have independent streaks in Trump’s America, also confirmed that Vladimir Putin is a war criminal, should spend the rest of his life in prison, and that Russia should “absolutely not” be readmitted to the G7, despite how President Putin’s Bitch is totally open to that idea.
But back to Hegseth again!
He really has said so many stupid things on this trip, it’s hard to keep track. He is just — OOF! — not a smart guy.
There was this, which he said Thursday:
“We can talk all we want about values. Values are important,” Hegseth said. “But you can’t shoot values, you can’t shoot flags, and you can’t shoot strong speeches. There is no replacement for hard power. As much as we may not want to like the world we live in, in some cases, there’s nothing like hard power.”
HE-MAN TUFF GUY DON’T UNDERSTAND NEGOTIATIONS OR SOFT POWER! HE-MAN TUFF GUY ONLY UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKE HE-MAN TUFF GUY’S DICK HARD OR SOFT! HE-MAN TUFF GUY TIRED NOW, TIME FOR BEER?
There are also reports that Hegseth thought it would be a cool idea in a press conference yesterday to essentially tell everybody that the US Navy isn’t tough enough to face the Russian navy, which is as stupid strategically as it is just plain wrong.
You can read the transcript here and watch the video here. It wasn’t quite as blunt as that — unless we missed something, which is entirely possible — but we can see how that’s the sentiment that got communicated. We would note that they are having a hell of a lot of fun mocking the skunk-headed dipshit on r/military over those remarks.
So there’s that!
In related humiliating news about bigots named “Hegseth,” apparently Pete Hegseth’s dumb wife accompanied him to Brussels, and the American schools at NATO HQ removed posters of Harriet Tubman and removed origami cranes and removed rainbows in advance of her visit, because they were scared they might run afoul of Trump’s new bigot DEI orders. No really:
Teachers were worried that they would be seen as signs of Black, Japanese and gay culture — and thus run afoul of the new rules from Washington. […]
In the NATO schools preparing for Mrs. Hegseth, in the town of Mons, Belgium, Black history month materials were scrapped. Art displays with even vague references to rainbows — a symbol of gay pride — were removed. A cart at the middle school library held books related to sexual identity and gender issues — including titles like “Allies” and “Gracefully Grayson” — that were pulled from the shelves, based on a photo circulating among teachers and viewed by The New York Times.
Oh how humiliating for all of us, until the end of days.
That comes after earlier this week, when students at a school on a US military base in Stuttgart, Germany, greeted the Hegseths by staging a walkout protest of Trump’s backward Nazi bigot DEI policies. Students in Mons, Belgium, protested too.
The whole world hates these trash people, and so do all decent Americans.
This is where we are now.
[Politico.eu / Washington Post / New York Times]
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There's two kinds of Trump admin officials; seditious traitors to everything America allegedly stands for, and pathetic embarrassments. There is overlap.
Jesus Christ on a cracker, that pocket square!! It looks like a 4th of July napkin from Dollar Tree.