Your description of the pleasures and terrors of utopian belonging/excommunication is very well said. Yes, Dworkin identified as a lesbian and Stoltenberg as gay, but they did marry eventually and reported that they had a sexual relationship (not that it matters--except in relation to Dworkin's confession of feeling pressured to renounce her heterosexuality). Dworkin reported being raped repeatedly throughout her life; it's hard to know what to believe. Perhaps it was all true; perhaps it was a part of her victim identity. I agree that she's a good writer, and so is Chesler; same for Robin Morgan and even, at times, Mary Daly, all of whom I've been reading this week!