30 years ago, a student came to me after the class, to tell me he was confused, he felt going mad, and still he couldn't stop thinking. i said that was the beginning of something good, and i was in the same boat. another student, a 6'5" tall black truck driver student perhaps in his late 30s, came to tell me he could see clearly for the first time, thanks to me, and i was truly humbled. when i finally could think clearly and see through the fog and noise, i realized there was no place for me in this particular global system. i've burnt all the bridges. but i've met plenty of real soulmates and honest friends outside the formal institutions, which keeps me from falling into the abyss of cynicism. i wonder how those students are doing now...