Father in Law was at a nice steak house and people plop down behind them with a 5 yr old terrorist and he finally said to them “can you please control your child”. The dad said “why don’t you control yourself” to my KY tobacco farmer Father in law, who then said “well - you can take him to the bathroom and spank him or I will and then I’ll take you outside by your fucking hair and you’ll wake up Tuesday eating through a straw”…. As calm as could be.

Best retort ever… it was a Friday night. The kid settled down pretty quickly.