This is funny: "Provided you don’t count the multiple crypto-scam groups to which I am unwillingly added every month". Actually, you just change your privacy preferences on who can add you to groups, and it will never happen again.

More generally, it is notable that a lot of negative commentary on this product is from people who don't use it much and don't know its features and the critical role it plays for people in many countries. It may not be popular in Western Europe and the US, but it is just a - deservedly - preferred means of communication in the former USSR countries, including Ukraine and Russia. In terms of features, pace of development and user experience, other products (like Signal, WhatsApp) just do not go anywhere near and look amateurish in comparison. With a critical caveat, of course, that E2E encryption is opt-in on Telegram.