thankyou for the meister eckhart, that metaphor suddenly struck clear as a bell. something "apparently" happened and there's nothing, or it's real, but obviously unreal too (which is terrifying and unacceptable, but had been seen a few times over the years- although that's only arising now too as an apparent memory, big bang style!). don't get me wrong, its not dissociation or anything. I don't know anything at all and nothing changed. because the arising stuff here, everything disintegrating, is the apparent me clinging to survival. (& to "knowing"). There isn't one. ( a me). and there never was.