The Barbie movie seems to be the absolute pinnacle of the feminist movement - an astounding achievement the primordial feminists would have never even thought possible. This glaringly ideological finger-wag of a movie stars the most bankable and recognizable lead roles in Hollywood, has made astounding profits worldwide, has received obnoxiously gushing reviews, and has become the movie experience of this generation hip enough to enjoy it.

The archetypical father figure has been away from home for many decades now, and this is the culmination of the rot spreading through the foundation. It's time for father to come home, admonish the children, and put order back into this chaotic slumber party.