Had some time off, read a little
Learned some things, listed those learned things.
- Shaquille O'Neal and Elvis Presley lived at the same Army base in Germany.
Shaq as an adolescent, Elvis as Elvis, in Wildflecken, Germany.
Honestly, my only reading was the initial one-third of Shaq's biography, 'Shaq Uncut.' Shaq doesn't mention Elvis. I have not read Peter Guralnick's Elvis books in over 20 years, I cannot recall if Shaq is referenced.
The rest of the time I watched basketball on TV. And the Utah Jazz.
- Mascots hit more half-court shots while backward and in costume in 2024-25 than I've made in my entire life.
Mascots don't even try to go glass, which is the best way to cheat a half-court shot. Mascots try to swish. Earlier this week Bango the Bucks mascot hit iron with a backward attempt from half-court, the ball jumped six feet above the rim before falling in through the net and let me tell you Bango knew right the fuck away his touch did the work for him.
Meanwhile I'm trying to dart in a bank shot from 50-feet, facing the basket, clanging every time. Without wearing a fake deer head.
It isn't fair. We can't practice the same way professional mascots do – backward, costumed – even if we had the whole court to ourselves someone would still ask us to leave. No matter how much the kids on the swings were enjoying it.
- The most unrelatable move in the NBA is when a player jumps to the point of nearly eyeing the rim in a bid to dunk in an offensive rebound before recoiling, as if the rim were dripping with warm poison, in the minor chance his teammate's shot might go in.
This practice, done ten feet in the air, is the most unrelatable thing in the NBA. The other is sneaking a piece of popcorn from a fan on front row.
If I tried to play NBA basketball with a piece of popcorn digesting inside my body I'd turn into dust after two full strides.
- Oklahoma City can be beaten.
Although it requires splitting the squad into two teams and then one of the teams knocks the other out in the second round.
- The guy across the street purchased an inordinate supply of fertilizer.
