Polygon to Change Name to Polyhedron After Buying Entirely New Dimension

BANGALORE — Polygon Technology today announced a major brand pivot, renaming itself Polyhedron after acquiring a completely new dimension. The move comes on the heels of a partnership announcement spree with brands as far reaching as Starbucks, JPMorgan, and Instagram.

"We've come to realize that we've been a bit closed minded in limiting our acquisitions and partnerships to this plane of existence" said Co-Founder Jaynti Kanani in a statement. "We feel many of our competitors are stuck in the past continuing to focus on the metaverse, when the future really is the multiverse."

The rebrand also comes in the midst of controversy over Polyhedron's business development spending, with critics claiming its partnerships have more been a function of its incentive payments than superior technology.

Many, including this reporter, are skeptical of these claims. "We absolutely, in no uncertain terms, do not pay for good press and do not pay partners to work with us", said Co-Founder Sandeep Naiwal as he surreptitiously slipped a $50 bill into my pocket. "We believe our partners come to us because they want to build on Ethereum".

Some industry experts are unimpressed with the acquisition and name change, however. "I don't see how this will benefit Polyhedron in any way," said Mckenzie Marsh, a technology analyst. "We've yet to see any crypto company provide a product valuable in even one dimension".

Despite the skepticism, Polyhedron remains confident in their decision. "We are excited for this new period in our company's history, though time in the new dimension doesn’t occur in a linear fashion", said Kanani. "Technically, we made this acquisition in October 1937 and also have yet to make it. Regardless, we believe this pivot will be a key step in bringing the next, previous, and/or current 1 billion users into Ethereum".

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