Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Harper’s harrumphs are too much for some umps.
Do his protests go over the line?
With one bearded sneer, he plays them for chumps,
’til it’s “Bat down, now go grab some pine!”
Phillies’ Harper Calls Ump Unprofessional After Controversial Ejection
Photo credit: Yahoo Sports
The Hall of Fame’s had guys
Named Mordecai,
Rabbit, Gabby, Ducky,
Old Hoss
and Kiki,
Lefty, Frankie, Connie,
and Pie,
Grover, Honus, Napoleon,
Dizzy, Dazzy
and Cy.
Now there’ll be a Todd?
Feels odd.
The trouble is not
that players have sex
the night before a game.
It’s that they stay out all night
looking for it.
You gotta learn that
if you don’t get it by midnight,
chances are you ain’t gonna get it,
and if you do,
it ain’t worth it.
Many thanks to Jim Koenigsberger (@JimFromBaseball) for this and so many other gems from history.
Illustration: Munsingwear ladies underwear advertisement, 1940.
Shohei lays down bunt
despite ugly aesthetic
universe bewitched
