Six Things I’ve Lost

My Six Months on

I was going to send this as a newsletter today but realized these are Substack-specific thoughts for Substack-specific people: people who actually know what Notes are, whether they use them or not.

Six months ago, I sent out my first Substack.

In those six months, here’s what I’ve lost:

1. FEAR: Not all of it, by any means, but a lot of it, especially concerning strangers’ eyes on my work (and life) — especially that which normally stays a little closer to my chest.

   For a long time I wondered whether I might ever reclaim some of that brazen blogging spirit of yore, that certainty that my words — of all kinds — belonged.

   I can say, without a doubt, BABY, I’M BACK! (Not, like, all the time — but most of it.)

2. SUBSCRIBERS: This wasn’t as scary as I thought it’d be, really, though it is a little ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ at times. When I notice a shift, I let myself lean into the brief wondering why and then I let it go.

   I want my readers to have the same permission I give myself when it’s time to unsubscribe. And I let myself be thankful for the attention that person, whoever they were, gave to my writing.

   Before even launching, I made sure notifications of readers’ departures were turned off and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. (I’m still wondering if there’s ever a way we can opt-out of the dashboard starting out with metrics by default? That’s the only place I ever happen to notice changes to numbers.)

3. SOCIAL MEDIA:in the traditional IG, fb, Twitter/X sense… My readers know (or, at least, I’ve told them), that I’m off all other social media besides Substack for all of 2024.

   At this point, I’m really not sure I’ll ever go back. (Though I’ve learned not to say never.) There are things I miss, yes, but not enough, at least right now, to return. When I want to truly connect, Substack offers the kind of digital connection I value most. I never leave feeling worse.

4. MONEY: Okay, not lost, but rather, invested. And really I wish I had more of it to spread around because some of the work being done here just blows my mind. When the opportunity comes to make more space in the budget, I will, and happily so.

   To have found myself, too, on the receiving end of that support has been — well, there really are no words for it.

5. FORMULA:This works for some people, and in this space, I have learned and let go of the expectation that it has to work for me, too. I am also privileged to be in a position, right now, where I do not have to be strategic about growth and income. If I were, that would be a different story.

   I’ve learned that as an unpublished, unangented novelist who teaches her three young children at home, I have the freedom to show up in the ways and timing that feels authentic (and sustainable) to my life in this season. So that’s what I’m going to keep doing for as long as I’m able.

6. LONELINESS: Like fear, though, it’s not all gone. I mean, I am still human.

   But (and it’s a BIG BUT) I’ve encountered such wonderful people here, read posts, comments, or notes that resonated so much I felt I could have written them, myself, and engaged in delightful community with fellow writers, readers, mothers, wives, and artists that I have had such life breathed into my whole being in ways I did not see coming.

   Finding yourself and others on the page can be a powerful resistance to isolation, especially the way it sometimes feels like you’re the only one dealing with or doing x, y, and z (and all the other letters) all at the same time.

I’m so thankful for what I’ve lost and for what I’ve gained, so far, on my time on Substack.

Can’t wait to see what’s next!