We are told to self-regulate.

To self-soothe. To breathe deeper. To do the work. Alone.

We’re handed nervous system charts and coping strategies. Told to meditate. Ground. Stretch. Journal. Reparent. As if the body is a machine that just needs better settings. As if trauma is a personal glitch to be optimized away. But here’s the truth:

Your nervous system is not broken. It’s just carrying too much, by itself.

We forget: Regulation is not supposed to be a solo task.

It’s not meant to happen in isolation, in silence, behind closed doors. It’s meant to happen in connection.

In the presence of another steady breath. In the rhythm of someone who stays. In the safety of being seen, not managed, not improved, just met.

Because no amount of breathwork will erase the ache of being unsupported. No amount of mindfulness will undo the damage of never being held. No tool will replace what we were wired for: each other.

Self-regulation is a skill. But co-regulation is a need.

Not a luxury. Not a bonus. A biological necessity.

So if you’re tired, if you’re still dysregulated after all the tools maybe it’s not that you’re doing it wrong. Maybe it’s that you were never meant to do it alone.