TEN WAYS DONALD TRUMP CAN HELP REMEDIATE HIS PLUMMETING APPROVAL RATINGS

10. Enforce a “Trump No Talk Tuesday” policy for the remainder of his term

9. Bring Melania to more public appearances where she looks absolutely agog at the utter nonsense that comes out of his mouth

8. Provide grocery customers with much-needed relief by throwing eggs into the crowd at his rallies

7. Tell Volodymyr Zelenskyy that if he’s busy, he can skip the DOGE email about 5 Things He Accomplished Last Week

6. Clarify that…

Where the observable behavior is so outrageous that any accurate assessment risks accusations of “derangement.”

TEN THINGS TO WATCH FOR DURING TRUMP’S STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

10. You like gloating? Get ready for lots of that shit

9. As a response to the bird flu-related lockdowns, Trump will demand that farmers unmask their chickens and send them back to school

8. Every sitting member of Congress will deliver an oral presentation explaining to Chairman Musk what they accomplished last week and how they made the U.S. government more profitable

7. A sincere blessing for the world’s Catholics on the eve of A…