I Have a Dream Amid a Fascist Regime: An Ode to Better Days

Written during a period of housing uncertainty, political stress, and personal transition.

The desperation is real

The pain is evident

People are afraid to say anything

And I can’t help but think, how pathetic

I was never meant to live a small, boring life.

At the same time, I fear the unpredictability and instability of the life of an artist

I learned that brutal, tough lesson in my twenties

I don’t want to be even worse off for it in my thirties

The clock is ticking, though

Have I not learned and done enough already to move toward what I want most in life?

And what do I want most, is it even attainable, or am I, to this day, still kidding myself?

Wasting precious time in a dream I cannot seem to shake

The

No children, no partner, no pets, just the only child of two elderly parents

I’m all alone, but free

I’m free, but all alone

What do I do?

Where do I go?

The ground of housing stability is being pulled out from under me, this time at no fault of my own

I am not a commodity to be displaced when greed becomes more of a priority than compassion

But that is what I am being made out to be

As a transwoman, to go after my dreams again in America no longer seems viable under this truly fascist regime

I must leave before my passport expires

The clock is ticking

I feel so alone in my efforts

People going about their merry American ways as though nothing is the matter

And those encouraging me to seek expatriatism

While offering no guidance, no support

Like it’s so easy

How would they feel in my position

And where shall I even go?

Canada? Portugal? Please God, give me a clear, undeniable sign!

God, please lead, guide, and direct me

To where I need to go

One day at a time

Thy will not mine be done

Help me to remain sober

Help me to remain alive

Help me to hold onto my dignity

And sooner rather than later, whether I remain in this country or not

Please bring out your right arm of justice and deliver tenfold on what we have been deprived of for so long

Help the external match the internal

For we are more than deserving.