Dear President Trump,

Canada’s Not Your Dairy Cow, and You’re Not an Economist -A Response from another insane Truth Social Post ( attached )

Thank you for your latest reality-detached bulletin from what I can only assume is a bunker padded with cheeseburgers and self-pity. Your statement on Canada being a “very difficult Country to TRADE with” is as inflated as your net worth claims and just as factually grounded—in other words, entirely fabricated.

First, the shrieking about 400% dairy tariffs? That old lactose-laced talking point is so stale it could curdle milk. Canada’s supply management system doesn’t “charge” American farmers—it protects Canadian farmers from the economic free-for-all your own agricultural sector suffers under. It’s not an attack, it’s called “economic sovereignty,” a term I realize is as foreign to you as humility. Those tariffs only apply when U.S. exporters exceed agreed-upon quotas under trade deals you either didn’t read or couldn’t comprehend through the fog of your Fox News-induced tantrums.

Second, your tantrum over a digital services tax—let’s not pretend the United States has never introduced unilateral taxation on foreign tech or services. Canada’s digital services tax, much like the EU’s, is a reasoned response to U.S. tech giants—your Silicon Valley royalty—offshoring profits to avoid paying fair tax in countries they profit from. This isn’t economic warfare; it’s fair taxation. If Amazon can land a drone in Regina, it can pay a few bucks in GST. We’re taxing your companies, not your country, and last time I checked, Apple isn’t headquartered in Iowa cornfields.

To characterize a digital levy as a “blatant attack” is like calling a library fine a declaration of war. You scream “egregious tax” while presiding over a country that has used extraterritorial sanctions and financial blackmail as everyday policy since Eisenhower was in short pants. You’re not defending free trade; you’re throwing a fit because your billionaire friends might have to pay for the roads their servers use.

And as for your performative threat to “let Canada know the tariff they will be paying to do business”—are you aware trade is not a Mafia protection racket? You don’t “let” countries know what they’ll pay like Tony Soprano demanding tribute. Trade negotiations aren’t mob movies, and Canada isn’t a B-list extra waiting for your cue.

Your threat to end trade discussions “effective immediately” is an amusing bluff. We’ll survive without Florida oranges and culture war exports. Canada is America’s largest trading partner and your second-largest customer. Cutting us off is like shooting yourself in the foot to spite your toque.

In conclusion, your grasp of economics is as robust as your spelling in court filings. We suggest brushing up on international trade theory—try Krugman, not Kushner. And while you’re at it, maybe take a walk outside, breathe in some maple-scented air, and consider that the world doesn’t revolve around your Twitter feed or whatever husk of Truth Social you’re still yelling into.

Warm regards from your northern neighbour,

—GC ; a guy from a country with a better credit rating than your casino empire ever had.