I have always believed in manifestation, but this weekend in Amsterdam (my first time here) I was punched in the face with proof.

Six years ago, I was in my 4th year at a truly toxic job. The mental and emotional gaslighting I endured there was so traumatizing it put me in the ER twice with what I now know were prolonged fight or flight responses that became panic attacks. It got worse during COVID when we began working remotely.

To find some joy during that dark time, I googled “palm tree vibes”, found this photo (R), and made it my Zoom background for internal work meetings.

I had no idea where this photo was from, but it became my safe space.

Picture me, sitting at my dining table in my home (what should be a safe space) on a Zoom call being told I was not good at my job and that no one wanted to work with me because I was difficult (no specific examples of why, who, or how to improve—just vague “you suck” sentiment).

To regulate my nervous system during these conversations, I would look straight ahead at my background on the screen and imagine myself there—wherever “there” was—with a glass of wine.

Fast forward to today. That backdrop, it turns out, exists in the garden of the Moco Museum in Amsterdam.

My husband and I went there yesterday, and as we exited the museum to the garden area, I saw it. My mouth fell open.

I immediately called my husband onto the bed, handed a stranger my phone and said, “Can you please take a picture?”

It was a full circle moment.

So many nights while I was employed at that place, I drank too much and cried too much and worried too much that I’d be stuck in this abusive “relationship” forever. As it turns out, they fired me 5 months later saying, “There’s a certain synergy needed to work here, and you just don’t have it.” It was the first true thing they’d said to me in years, and though I was devastated in the moment, it was also the best thing that ever happened to me.

Because now I live in Portugal and work as an independent contractor, which allows me the freedom and proximity to sit under these idyllic pink palm trees irl with the love of my life, doing whatever the fuck I want, glass of wine in hand.

So yeah. Manifesting works. Make that vision board. That background screen on your laptop? You’ll get there eventually.