Rainy day thoughts

For me the day starts with quiet and coffee. Time to prepare slowly for what's ahead. It takes about 5 minutes to make good coffee, a little longer to open the book I'm learning from - the second habit of the day, reading to learn. Lately the house has been noisy and so has my mind. I have no patience for good coffee, and it takes much longer to open the book. I read but I'm not reading. I'm not working, and yet distraction finds me anyway. My mind races, concentration is fleeting, and nothing seems to work. It's likely burnout, which has been a fairly consistent companion these past few years.

I find habit stacking effective - a term that may have appeared in Atomic Habits but was surely an idea long before the book. Starting one habit, then another, then another, until you fill a period of time with things you need or want to do - it works far more effectively for me than a rigid schedule. Until it doesn't. Until you're sitting in front of a piece of writing you're supposed to finish and you simply can't.

I thought I'd shake up the habits - put exercise first. Running is like meditation for me, good training for the mind. But my resistance to running is stronger than almost any other activity. I rarely want to start, but I always love finishing. Today I failed, and found myself doing things of little importance just so I wouldn't feel guilty for doing nothing.

All my life I have found creative work to be full of struggle, full of a desire for flow states that last weeks on end - though at this point I would settle for an hour a day. Four would be better.