GUYS - I’ve just realised what Farage is going to do…

The thing is he now has NO WAY to proceed which doesn’t humiliate him.

If he wins, he is, as Rachel Reeves put it, The Man Who Spent His Summer Arguing With A Bin.

If he bails, he’s The Man Who Fled From A Bin.

And if he LOSES…

So he’s only got one way out, and I’ve just realised what it’s going to be:

FAKE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT.

I am NOT KIDDING.

First of all, he steals all his moves from the Trump playbook. He also learns from Trump’s mistakes. He needs a decent flesh wound; nothing life threatening but something better than a slight graze on his ear that mysteriously vanishes the next day.

Second, it gets him out the race on wounded health grounds… He leaves the field a martyred hero, pledging to resume the fight as soon as he recovers (before buggering off to the USA forever, of course).

Third, all jokes at his expense suddenly become Very Poor Taste and the ridicule he’s suffering ends. This disarms Binface and makes him at least temporarily immune to being laughed at, which is the ONLY thing he (like all Fascists) actually fears.

Fourthly, it retroactively justifies his “I needed all those millions for security” claim.

This is why the only other option - feigning a heart attack, which let’s face it, we’d all believe - wouldn’t be as appealing to him. It achieves the other objectives but not this. It would also cancel out the obvious flaw in his “Most attacked MP” schtick, ie “What about Jo Cox?”.

SPREAD THIS AROUND; the only thing that will stop Farage trying this is if he knows we’ve all seen it coming.

I know it says “comedian” in the bio, but this is not a joke; I genuinely believe Farage is going to stage his own failed assassination. Spread the word.