The app for independent voices
There is a man who always stands on the block next my house and everytime I walk outside, he harasses me. For 6 months, it was very loud “compliments” on my appearance…even though I ignored him. Then recently, he stopped for a couple of weeks. He angrily ignored me whenever he saw me. Maybe he went on protest or vacation for his endless campaign to get the pussy he’ll never have.
But then today, he started again. Standing with the same young woman I usually see him with, they both sang in unison to me, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” as I passed by.
I glanced at both of them for a second, and then looked down-slightly humored, and yet annoyed. Then he started complaining that I don’t even talk to people who are being nice to me, even though we’re the same color.
On my way home, I saw him drunkenly stumbling down the block, and he directly crossed my path (maybe he followed me?) and he said, “You gotta be nice sometime, honey. HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
I am so tired of this man, and to be honest, I get scared. I wonder if one day things will escalate to an attack or harsher words.
I know this game so well…other abusers in my life have done the same thing: pressuring me into situations so they can seemingly justify their rage against me. But men in public can be so unpredictable, and some of them don’t care if they lose it all.
I don’t know if he will ever just allow me to exist without punishing me for being unavailable. One thing I learned from the time I wrote about him last summer—is that the little acknowledgement I did give him (polite smile), only led him to humiliate me for not giving him even more. That is when I stopped engaging.
Sometimes I fantasize about having a huge thug push him up against the wall and threaten him for making me feel uncomfortable. Maybe 2 or 3, even…
The closest I have is the police, and getting them involved could just make the situation worse. They don’t do much for preventative care in this arena. I have thought about creating a paper trail of police reports but the idea of taking the energy to visit police station and deal with their nonchalance discourages me.
Not sure what to do but I’ve dealt with these abusive tactics before and I’m extremely stubborn when I want to be. I seem like a quiet little lamb just because I don’t clap back…but sooner or later, everyone gets their karma.
