Yesterday marked (what I believe to be) the ending of an extremely toxic relationship between specific blood related relatives. I’ve learned a lot about people, perspectives, myself, and letting go.

I made a terrible mistake a couple days ago out of anger and resentment. Out of trauma. I apologized. Was forgiven, but this cycle continued where the other just refused to take accountability. The other chose devotion over truth.

I never thought I’d have to grieve someone while they were alive, or they me, but the feeling of letting go? I got another taste of freedom yesterday. The ending was bitter. But the release was sweet.

I cherish mothers and fathers with their daughters and children, and feel distraught for mothers and fathers without their daughters (and children). I can’t imagine not having my child here with me. There are others who just can’t seem to grasp certain things, causing them to completely destroy the bonds with their children. I’m not sure I was the best daughter being that there are things I just won’t accept. It’s not that I won’t let go, i just won’t accept certain things from people who make the constant excuse as to why they treated me a certain way. Being that I’m the embodiment of all the things my mother and father didn’t deal with. I think I might also be the reflection of all the things they may need to heal.

But the freedom. It’s the freedom. It’s the weight being gone and making peace with the fact that there are people on this planet who just despise me because I refuse to accept the gaslighting. Because of how they feel. I’m sad to have to grieve my husband and certain blood relatives who are living. But I’m happy that we, the living in flesh, find it better without each other. There’s no going back now. And ain’t no feeling like being free 🥂