The Screams in My Head

How Writing Unlocked a "Remedial" Mind

~ Pablo ~

I want to make this clear from the start: I didn’t have a learning difficulty.

Growing up, the system didn't know what to do with me. I couldn’t read or write properly at nine years old. By the time I walked away from school at fifteen, I had the formal education of an eleven year old. I was labeled "remedial," "slow to learn," and written off.

But I wasn't slow. My brain was simply operating on a different frequency. My way of thinking, of connecting ideas and putting the world together, isn’t what society calls “normal.”

I spent years in the wilderness of my own mind. I eventually began to "devour" books at 26, something I never thought possible. I taught myself to write by becoming a hunter of patterns. I started by mimicking the styles of the writers I read, leaning on their structures until I could find my own footing. It was a way to survive; a way to translate the world.

Now, at 53, the pieces have finally clicked into place. Realising I am neurodivergent wasn't just a label, it was a key.

In person, verbally, I still struggle to express the depth of what I feel. The words don't always come when people are looking at me. But on the page? Writing has given me a voice. It has unlocked the floodgates. Everything that has been screaming to get out of my head for half a century finally has a place to go.

I am no longer apologizing for how I am wired. I am finally just... me.