This article was written by AI. I am 100 per cent sure of it. And the Guardian - a noble newspaper - seems quite happy to publish it. I know that by sharing it I am encouraging people to look at it, which no doubt will add to the Guardian’s clicks, but I would like to know what the hell the Guardian thinks it’s playing at.

No writer - not a single writer - has ever used the construction “It’s not jam, it’s sauce”, or similar. Every sentence in this piece gives me the heebie jeebies. It’s ghastly.