My elderly mother was in the hospital for two days and was discharged home on Christmas Eve. We refused rehab, instead opting for homecare. We’ve been caregivers since I was a kid. It’s nothing new for us. And mom could be someplace familiar with the people who love her most in life. And despite being bored, she’s recovering slowly and surely.

We’ve been lucky to have a home health team coming in once a week to help her. . . PT and OT. And today, the OT reminded me that I needed to take care of myself as the primary caregiver to two elderly parents who also struggles with her own chronic health issues.

We already like her team, and today, I had even more respect for them. My years in hospice work taught me that while the patient is the one person who is benefitting the most from help, the family unit — however that looks — is the patient as well. Mom’s care (and dad’s, for that matter) is only as good as the work she’s willing to put into it. And it’s only as good as how well I take care of myself.

Let me say that again — her care is ONLY as good as my self-care. Because I can’t be there if I don’t care for myself.

If I let myself go or push too hard, I’m down for several days with a migraine and needing migraine meds, which keeps me down even longer.

So what does my self-care look like?

It’s taking the chair lift down stairs on days that the tendons in my foot are yelling at me. And it’s putting my feet up with ice while I decompress with a skein of yarn at night.

And it’s putting on the noise-cancelling earbuds and crocheting or quilting.

It’s enjoying silence at every chance I can.

It’s practicing Metta meditation like I did in my early post today.

It’s making sure I get in my water.

It’s being mindful to sigh and drop my shoulders.

It’s not about going on a blinged-out vacation or taking a day away to pamper — it’s in the moments that I have mercy on myself for the load I carry. It’s the gratitude I feel in having two people to be a caregiver for. It’s reaching out to old friends when I need some laughs.

And it’s pulling out the laptop and sharing my thoughts with all of you.

Thank you for being a part of our family’s journey — as I share what it’s like to be a midlife daughter/caregiver while continuing my own journey of healing and acceptance.

Please continue joining me in moment-to-moment awareness of what’s going right in these uncertain times.