i really don’t know wtf I’m doing.

People tell me all the time, “you’re living the dream!”

Yes, I just sailed for 1 year, I’m living abroad now, I make enough money online to mostly offset my super-low expenses in Guatemala.

But honestly?

You’re probably living MY dream.

If you’re stoked about your life most of the time, & you’re relatively excited for the future… it really doesn’t get much better than that.

Right now? I’m having trouble with all of it.

Yes, I had a 101.2 degree fever yesterday & im still sneezing like mad.

But also, I’m having trouble getting excited for my future because I’m in such an intermediate/transition phase.

Maybe it’s because I’m coming off such a high.

On the sailboat, I also didn’t know where I’d be in 1 month (let alone 6 months), but at least I knew I was sailing! It was a feature! And we WERE GONNA FIND REFUGE FOR HURRICANE SEASON.

But now, I know I’m living in a foreign city with my husband & cat, but what FOR?

Some of this is chronic dissatisfaction. It’s part of the human condition. It’s going to come & it’s gonna go — no matter what you’re doing or where you’re living.

Honestly, good to know!

but some of it is the true angst FROM ME, because I can’t find comfort in the not knowing, & being in the in-between.

A fellow sailor named John once told us, “if you can’t find 1 thing to love in every place you’re at, you’re never going to be happy.”

Living in Guatemala City, surrounded by honestly gorgeous culture, people, restaurants, buildings, street art, & more — I’m remembering John a lot lately.

But seriously, what do you do AFTER the dream?

You might be thinking, “what do you mean?” “Isn’t it just happily ever after?!”

no.

You get the day after, & the day after that. And you still gotta mostly enjoy the day-to-day decisions. And you still gotta be building toward SOMETHING.

Maybe I’m wrong about everything.

I’m VERY confident moving off the sailboat was the right move.

I’m VERY confident also that in 1-2 months, this will all make perfect sense.

I know it always leads to something.

But today? It doesn’t FEEL like the dream.

I’m probably jealous of YOU.

Though I know…

It’s all part of the grand adventure

And it may not get better than THIS