“You are valuable because you exist.”

I hear this all the time. I want to believe it. But here’s the truth:

When I was 14, I woke up at a sleepover doubled over in abdominal pain. My mom picked me up, and instead of comfort, she said:

“You better hope this isn’t an ectopic pregnancy because I’m not paying for surgery.”

Later, when I got mono?

“You better hope it’s not cancer, because I’m not paying for treatment.”

Over and over, I was given the message:

being sick made me disposable.

So I internalized the idea that I didn’t deserve care, that I wasn’t worth resources, that survival was something I had to earn.

Now people say “you matter just because you’re here”.

I genuinely want to understand how that’s true.

If my value didn’t come from what I did, or how “strong” I was, where did my worth come from?

I’m trying to rewrite this belief.

I’m trying to understand how simply existing can be enough.

If you grew up being treated like your pain was an inconvenience — how did you learn you deserved care?