Most veterans think the whole “thank you for your service” culture is a bit much. It’s one of those things you only really get after the window where you might have enjoyed it has closed.

Even if you joined hoping to feel like a beautiful and unique snowflake, the truth is that once you’ve been there, the recognition feels awkward.

What do you say to that? “Thank you” back? “You’re welcome” sounds arrogant as fuck. I eventually settled on, “I appreciate your support.” Thankfully, once you’re out of uniform, it doesn’t come up much.

And honestly, it feels unbecoming to bask in it. Keep it humble, hero—you weren’t Audie fucking Murphy. You were a middling Joe who went out on his sham shield.

Then came the “essential worker” phenomenon during COVID, and that put things in perspective.

It was… kind of comical watching the virtue-signaling from “essential” workers on social media. Holy shit—turns out the general public is dying to be thanked for their service.

I was an essential worker, too. All that meant was my job was low-paying and menial enough to be considered expendable. We’re the peasant class, guys.

If the thanks for fighting Al Qaeda felt performative, then the thanks for being a postal worker felt like it was veering into mockery.

I get it—you work a shit job for no money, and you still have to drag yourself in while everyone else is at home shamming… or worse, getting paid exactly the same to phone it in. You need a pat on the back. It’s okay. I get it.

Honestly, I refer to people as “essential” at work in the same condescending way NCOs call you “hero” in the Army.

I’m not going to thank you for working at a grocery store, but thanks for staying fifteen feet away—that was great while it lasted.

I didn’t mind COVID, honestly. My life didn’t change at all. I’ve been social distancing for a long time. If anything, the lack of people out and about was a vast improvement… as the virus spread, it was just lanes opening up on the highway.

No real moral to this story. My co-workers are ridiculous, and that memory popped into my head.

Thank you for staying away—that was the real service.