I can relate to this so well. I too spent decades pursuing a narrowly defined vision of success, chasing after countless accolades that were supposed to reaffirm that I am smart and not a failure (carrot chasing, as I call it). As the son of a biology professor, I was expected to bring home the “A”s from a very young age . This later translated into chasing prestige in the form of turning down the college I really wanted to go to for the more prestigious option and then entering a history PhD program because this was the next logical thing to do. This all ended with washing out of an academic labor market that has become a vehicle for transforming bright but naive young people into cheap labor. (Wow I have become pretty cynical lol.) So I gave so much just to become a unit of cheap labor. I have been searching for more authentic and soul affirming experiences more recently and it’s still a work in progress.

If I had truly followed my inner voice earlier in life …where would that have led me? I’m not really sure.