For years in my early walk with God I did this, I ran away from Him everytime I fell short and missed the mark.

I possessed an orphan spirit, a false identity of Sonship of who I was, who God was towards me.

I lived from a fractured soulish psyche with a hostile mind & the lies that filled my mind with the false illusions of the ugly twin sister sin'drome of shame & guilt about myself thinking that I was guilty which plagued me in a repentance mindset.

This wrong thinking kept me on a merry go round of 'feeling' unworthy which keept me from entering in before His throne room ( the cross) in 'trying' to obtain mercy and forgiveness when Christ had already cleansed us with a clear conscience by faith giving us the confidence and assurance in Christ of a finished (Tetelestai ) 'Paid in full' and 'once for all' work that was wrought in Jesus.

Driven by performance and perfection management and behaviour modification not understanding Christ's imputed righteousness, I continued to struggle bound by sin conciousness and

the lies I believed.

I had no root in the Word at the time of my conversion or discipleship. It was only years later that Holy Spirit led me into the truth and revelation, that I had already died & that my life was hid in Christ ( Colossians 3:3) This truth set me free knowing the old man was dead and taught me how to put and live in the new man.