“Vice President Dick Cheney has been moved to a secure, undisclosed location… Wait, isn’t the vice president supposed to fill in for the president in public when the president gets moved to a secure, undisclosed location because of an emergency, and… ?”

“Just read the report. We’re under orders here.”

“But we’re a news network. We’re supposed to tell the public the truth... “

“It is the truth. Dick Cheney is in a bunker somewhere, and Bush is under the White House. Now shut up and read.”