This is a powerful, sobering reflection, and what stays with me most is how gently you trace the problem back to exhaustion rather than malice. The way you frame numbness as learned protection — not cruelty — gives the piece both moral clarity and compassion. Your distinction between simulation and encounter feels especially sharp, and the line about control suffocating what relationship should hold is devastatingly true.

I also appreciate that you don’t end in accusation, but in choice: closeness as something fragile, practiced, and risky. There’s grief here, but also responsibility — an invitation to remember how to feel, how to stay present, how to be human again. Thank you for writing something that refuses anesthesia and insists on attention.