This really made me stop and think. The way you stay with the body rather than trying to override it feels important. That tension doesn’t read as failure here, but as part of the very water you’re pointing to. Even the noticing of “me, me, me” is already a soft loosening of it.

I was especially struck by the gentleness of your ending. Not striving for constant wakefulness, not turning awareness into another standard to meet, but allowing brief moments of being held to be enough for now. That feels like real discipline to me. The kind that doesn’t harden the self, but gradually makes room for others.