When you described what men tend to value in a woman in the beginning and how those same qualities can create tension, I had to think of this argument I heard once — which I think makes total sense — that some men like powerful and intelligent women because they implicitly (or even explicitly) enjoy the idea of “breaking her down” or “putting her in her place.” Predator-prey dynamics, basically. It’s really horrible that this is something we have to consider while dating.