As someone who is on the verge of making the decision to stay in the company that’s ultimately not good for me but offers security or to free fall into something else, I resonated with SO much of what you have written. I, too, have ADHD, am two years sober, and in my mid-40’s with perimenopause chasing me into sleepless nights with a body I don’t fully understand. I keep thinking/dreaming about the “what nexts”: “living my passions!” fantasies about becoming a writer or public speaker or running women’s groups. That idealized part of me did not want to read about the realities of your struggle. It wanted to turn its head away in the hopes that the end of the post would tie it up all nicely with a success story. But the part of me that is devoutly committed to the full breadth of being a human, carried on, and is really, really grateful for your words.

What I’m taking away from this, is that the free fall IS HARD. It just is. Until it isn’t. (Or until it isn’t, maybe?)

And I’m wondering- is there a part of you that misses your corporate job?

Or maybe the takeaway is that everything has its own versions of hard, and it’s a matter of choosing which one?

I appreciate your honesty. You have given me a lot to think of. Thank you for sharing!