This was so profound. Thank you for sharing your story and grapplings with death, life and grief, your descriptions of your brother are so beautiful especially the one about him teaching you hai to navigate the depths of your waters. Don’t we all need a love like that? I’m glad you were and still are able to reflect on his character like that. I think this question you wrote really captures what you’re grappling with in this piece: “How do we steady ourselves as beings of God-consciousness within a realm that worships the wealth of mortality?” It reminds me of this Bible passage - “We are pressured in every way [hedged in], but not crushed; perplexed [unsure of finding a way out], but not driven to despair; hunted down and persecuted, but not deserted [to stand alone]; struck down, but never destroyed; always carrying around in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the [resurrection] life of Jesus also may be shown in our body. So physical death is [actively] at work in us, but [spiritual] life [is actively at work] in you.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬-‭10‬, ‭12‬ ‭AMP‬‬

It’s heavy carrying around death and immortality in mortal vessels and I respect you for giving expression to that heaviness while also being committed to the truth that Jesus loves you and is mindful of you. Life is such a precious gift so thank you for living it!