Yes to all of this, Mel! This is the kind of necessary reconciliation that comes with the grief and acceptance stages of this illness (and probably many others). An excellent resource on this is The Chronic Illness Workbook by Patricia A. Fennell. That book and weekly therapy with a spoonie therapist really helped me get to the point of silverish linings. It took over three years, and I now know there’s no way I could have sped that up because the rage needed to simmer naturally.

Congrats on a brave and excellent piece!