My heart was in my throat reading this. I felt everything you said about monitoring yourself to not appear crazy so deeply. And the painful juxtaposition of what you were willing to do for justice for others, but not for yourself. I think society teaches AFAB people that when we stand up for others we're being "motherly" but when we stand up for ourselves we're a problem. Fighting that indoctrination takes so much strength and self-awareness. I hope that therapy helps me build that strength too.