journal from 8 months ago

I am quite tired today. I wish to be my non-verbal self for some time. ‘Trying’ to do things has exhausted me. I will rest for some time. Everything in general is disappointing me- this country, I dread my hometwon, my friends, my family, my social standing, my third places, my acquaintances, my achievements. The only place I truly can come back to is my art. It shall never disappoint me, it shall never have expectations, never ask for pretense. It is like a big cloud o…