It’s sad and embarrassing for me to admit the following, but I’ve been putting this out there in the hopes that women younger than me will learn from my example.

I was raised (brainwashed, really) to believe I didn’t want children. This happened to a lot of children of Boomer parents. Boomers, resentful of their own children, holding an ideal of being perpetual carefree teenagers, have in many cases thwarted their offspring’s natural instinct to reproduce (thus idiotically depriving themselves of grandchildren).

I was taught the importance of education, career, travel, “self-fulfillment.”

I married a man who doesn’t want kids.

After experiencing the security and stability of marriage, I came to realize I do want children. My mind changed. His never did though. I stayed with him anyway, although I probably should have left, but I thought I was too old to start over.

Now I’m 48. I am grappling with the stark reality that it is too late at this point. I cry about it often, and am dealing with intense nighttime dreams of what I’ve missed out on.

My message to younger women: Even if you think you don’t want children, ask yourself whether, deep down, you really feel that way, or whether you’ve allowed yourself to be indoctrinated by outside influence.

If you’ve ever daydreamed about what you’d name your kids, ever wondered whose nose or hair your offspring would inherit, ever thought about what kind of mother you’d be, these are all indications that you probably want kids someday. They’re not just idle fantasies.

Get off your butt and make those dreams a reality before it’s too late. Find yourself a good man that you love, and who will be a good parent. The dreams won’t make themselves happen: you have to move them forward.

p.s.: Your late 30s is NOT “too late.” Women can conceive and bear healthy children up through 40ish. There are increased risks, BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. So if you’re already older, don’t give up out of discouragement. I wish I could go back in time and shake some sense into my 35-year-old, hell, even my 40-year-old self.