OMG. Or the time that I answered a loud knock at the door one morning to find a police officer there, asking for him. I went to wake him up. The cop asked him if he happened to crash into the apartment’s garage at all last night.

“ummm nope!” he says, desperately unconvincingly.

“Interesting!” the cop says," “Because debris from the broken garage door frame is all over the top of your Jeep that’s parked in your spot in the garage.”

I look over at him, shocked. I had no idea. The previous night, I had been out with a friend. We went to a bar and, halfway through our conversation, I noticed that ex sitting on the other side of the oval-shaped bar, staring at us. Just watching! Totally normal if you’re a psychopath like he was. I told my friend to ignore him, and he left before we did. He must have drunkenly crashed into the garage on his way home from stalking us.

“Oh…” he suddenly remembers, “that might have been me, I don’t really know…”

Thankfully for him, it was too late for the cop to prove he’d been drunk, so he got to avoid his second DUI that day. He somehow avoided suffering any consequences whatsoever for that little mishap!