To start, I must say: 

The difference between a waffle and a pancake is simply how the heat is applied

And the difference between Belgium and Germany is only a few hundred kilometers

…put a pin in that…

So, I had an ex who used to take me to this indy porn festival

Happened once a year in the back of this old skin flick joint

Had a bit of everything

Normal people exploring normal ecstasy

Exploring the sensual

Exploring the vulnerability 

Steamy moments

Silly moments

Clowns and cock rings

Cheap sci-fi parodies filled with tits and tinfoil

Foot fetishes, leather fetishes, armpit fetishes

Piss kinks and gimp suits and anything else you can imagine

It wasn’t all my thing, but I’m generally an open minded kind of guy

And I can appreciate that everyone has different things that excite them

And I think there’s something beautiful in experiencing that…

EXCEPT FOR THE GODDAMN GERMANS!!!

THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED!!!

EVERY GODDAMN YEAR THEY TOOK THINGS TOO FAR!!!

So there was this one video 

And it starts out all normal

They’re in the kitchen making breakfast

They’re naked, and there’s nothing wrong with that

Beating the eggs and mixing together some pancake batter

When all of a sudden they take a syringe and fill it with pancake mix

Then inserted it into her ass…

Injects it right up deep in there…

Afterwords she bikes across town to a second location

Where they proceed to… cook and eat the pancakes…

The image has been stuck in my head for years

And I think I’m a worse person for it…

And All I’m saying is that the Germans should not be trusted

And if only the heat had been applied differently…

And if only it had been a few hundred kilometers down the road…