As president, I am appointing Paul Crenshaw to take over the budget immediately. I have just signed an Executive Order from my couch in Santa Monica. This is the big, beautiful budget now! Thank you for your kind attention to this matter. May all beings be free, safe and happy. May all beings have universal healthcare. May all public restrooms be clean.

Have an excellent day everyone, maybe pick one of these: Stick your toes in the sand. Feel the sun on your face. Call someone you miss. Write about the kindest thing a person ever did for you. Do something kind for someone but don’t tell them or anyone else. Check your voter registration. Look in the mirror and say “I love you” and then kiss yourself on the shoulder or wherever you can reach. Try it, I double dog dare you.