😽🧐📚🧠Why Am I So Wise?🧠📚🧐😽

How to win at Twitter

People ask me all the time "CatGirl how are you so successful on Twitter? You were nobody 5 month ago, now I see you all the time? What's your secret? Can I ever escape you?"

Well dear reader,

First: No, there is no escape.

Second: I have mastered the art of engendering flame wars.

The secret you see is to never be too guarded, to never be too well sourced, to never select too perfect an example, never be too reasonable.

Ideally you won't cite a source at all, rather you'll half remember the figure you want to cite and give a nice big round dramatic number 90%... or better 99%!

Sure you could accurately cite the number at 87.45% or 97.03... but then anyone looking will know you actually had the figure before you when writing it. NO!

You want them to assume the figure is a complete ass pull, You want them too suspect you're making it up entirely!

You want to provoke the midwit cry of "Source!?" Or better yet the sneering quote-tweet.

Now better! You want to stretch your conclusion slightly further than you should. Sure there's a defensible, moderate, reasonable conclusion that could be drawn from some dramatic facts, some intelligent centrist technocratic conclusion...

But remember. Centrist and Coward are both 6 letter words. This is a 4 letter word type platform.

So instead you'll take this dramatic figure you've already primed people to doubt the veracity of, and you'll stretch it to support the most extreme, untenable, indefensible conclusion you possibly can... whilst still having tons of backup arguments you know could support that position if it comes down to it, with entire schools of political theory and (and followers) primed to pull them out.

You combine this with some provocative phrasing, some overeager images, some metaphors which are just a little too easy to mock...

State what you believe, but in the way maximumly optimized to set of your enemy's cry of "Cringe", put on the mask of the caricature and you're about set.

Now you just hit tweet and wait...

The people who agree with you will agree... in fact they'll be oh so refreshed to see reality so plainly spoken...

But as you get traction, those who disagree will REALLY DISAGREE, and your well placed bait will provoke the smug within their heart, the irresistible sneer.

Your goal should be to get yourself ratio'd, this is how you reach audiences you'd never reach otherwise... people who would not listen to you in a million years, you get your enemies to deliver you right into the heart of their ingroup... like so many Trojans inside a wooden horse.

Now once they've begun their denunciations and ritualistic invocation of the source that it is not... they'll have already fallen into your trap. You've picked the ground, you've picked the issue, you've picked your audience, you've presumably got the expertise (or you'd not have chosen this topic) and you've subtly primed the dumbest of them to feel superior and charge in with their smuggest replies without any cursory research...

This is where the fun begins.

When you're new you can simply reply with the easiest snide remarks and basic facts, it should be like shooting fish in a barrel... but as you grow you need not even do this... Your followers will do it for you.

With luck you'll have provoked the dumbest quote tweets, the dumbest replies, and then you'll get (hopefully less dumb, but who cares) quote tweets of those quote tweets, replies to those replies, on and on... as the stats you alluded to but obscured come out in full force, the theory-cells and reply-guys are loosed in all their glory, and maybe some insane famous people will join the fray and add entirely new dimensions to the drama... When Jordan Peterson or Elon comment or like your take on prostitution, or Evo Psych... things get interesting.

Sure you might get ratio'd... but a quote-tweet is still a retweet... and the most important ratio is impressions over time.

Everyday someone is the most famous person on twitter... AND THAT CAN BE YOU!

You need only wrack your brains and come up with the dumbest way to say the smartest thing you can...

And you too can be CatGirl Famous.

CatGirl summer has only just begun.