Speaking of Father’s Day, I don’t have a dad I miss very often. He was a complicated guy, my dad, and it was easier for me when I didn’t have to navigate his complications anymore once he was dead. BUT, he was also a handy guy, a contractor, and a man who loved his tools and toys, which sometimes made him a great guy to have in my corner.

I didn’t think about my dad when I went yesterday with my son to buy a variety of carpenter’s hand tools, a circular saw, and a chainsaw, all of which I needed for a building project I’m starting next weekend. Nor did I think of him when, unexpectedly, later in the day my son texted me about a lawn tractor on sale at the local Reuse where he works, which we bought because it was a great deal, and a thing we need.

But I can say, and was reminded by my mom this morning, that my dad would have LOVED me buying tools and toys and building things. He would have come here and trailed behind me, offering unsolicited opinions that would have pissed me off because they were right on the money, and then written a random poem, which I would have likely resented and avoided reading, about me and my land and the two of us working together.

I could have been gentler with my dad, even when he didn’t deserve it, because he gave me a lot. He made me the kind of woman who can build things and is psyched to finally own my own chainsaw. He was an asshole, but also a gem. Today is one of those days I miss you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.