Did a local event yesterday for pop-up energy healing - and nobody bought.

People took pictures, asked for my number, said “later”. But nobody was interested in doing it there and then. 

Yes, I will put it out there because I know exactly why that happened. 

I just couldn’t understand why my intuition was pushing me so hard to attend it anyway. Excitement was high. I spent the entire weekend preparing, and then… nothing. 

Sure, connections, sure conversations, sure networking. The most vomit-inducing word for an oracle. 

I don’t need to network. People come to me. 

And so I put myself out there for the locals to have a chance to do so - not just my online community. Crickets.

Yes, the event barely attracted any people outside of the sellers. Yes, I was the only one offering a service rather than a physical product. I could cling to those excuses if I wanted to feel sorry for myself. But I know better. 

I knew my recent astrocartography findings urged me to pour all of my focus into building a global audience and eventually moving to a more economically embracing climate. My Saturn IC line runs straight through here. Meaning no belonging, no audience, constant tests and cold shoulders mixed with high intensity and illusions that amount to nothing of structure or substance in the end. 

Well.

I was about to pack it in, pissed with Source, so I asked the Creator to show me the reason why I was supposed to come here, exhaust myself, and leave with nothing.

IMMEDIATELY, a woman running another stall I connected with earlier sits in front of me and starts talking. I normally don’t even remember the content of this flavour of conversations, but people always leave having received something, lighter for connecting, nourished by the exchange. 

This place, Costa Rica, showed me it is not enough for my soul anymore.

I am grateful for having held that space for her worries, identity wobbles, and emotions. But I stopped myself multiple times from extending more and more of myself, and kept it surface level - for me. Instead of proving my worth, proving I deserve to be here, proving I have something of value to offer.

That version of me - the one who gives and gives, who proves her worth through exhaustion, who overextends just to justify her presence - is done. 

I consider this event the closing chapter of me that believed my value had to be earned through depletion. That was a burial rite.

This place is teaching me how to receive. But I do not receive here - unless I face the front. Consider my front faced.